Log in

No account? Create an account
entries friends calendar profile Madamhydra's Lair Previous Previous Next Next
COI - Happily wading into the cesspool.... - Convolutions of an Evil Mind
COI - Happily wading into the cesspool....
This is a revised version of an E-vil(tm) COI-related one-shot that I previously posted on the SephirothxCloud LJ community myprettypuppet.

WARNING!!! This fic contains rather nasty and kinky scenes involving erotic mind control, an insane sadistic Sephiroth, and psychological Cloud-torture. Readers of my darker fics (especially "Mechanics of Control") will have a good idea what I'm talking about. If this type of story doesn't interest you, DO NOT READ THIS FIC.

::cough:: That being said, this drabble was very helpful in working out a major plot issue I've been having with COI, as in what the hell could make someone like Zack mentally snap (albeit temporary). I think I've come up with something. ::hums happily::

The story is a bit obscure, but hopefully it's not too bad. Since it's still a draft, please forgive the inevitable typos and grammatical errors. Enjoy!

Title: Substitution Reaction
Author: madamhydra
Rating: R (mature themes)
Pairing: Sephiroth/Cloud with the tiniest hint of you-know-who thrown in ^_~
Date: completed draft 10/11/2005; revised draft 10/13/2005
Summary: A COI-related one-shot fic speculating what might have happened between Sephiroth and Cloud in the Northern Crater after Cloud gives Sephiroth the Black Materia (yes, yet another one).


The summoning was complete. Now all that remained was the reconstruction of his body and Meteor's inevitable arrival.

All great things moved at their own pace. Meteor could not be hurried, just as the rebuilding of his new physical body could not be rushed. With its few flaws eliminated, its performance optimized, this reconstructed body would be even stronger and faster than before, much better suited to handle his greatly increased powers. This, like so much, he owed to his Mother's guidance.

But should he do in the interim as he waited for Meteor to descend and for the last remnants of muscle and bone to weave themselves into place?

He glanced over at the limp figure floating nearby. Cloud Strife's eyes were open, yet blank and utterly devoid of intelligence or spirit. Even the mako glow of those blue eyes were dim, just as Cloud's pretense of an independent existence had been utterly extinguished. Now the young man was a puppet in truth. The flesh was already -- had always been -- his to command, but now the breaking was complete.

Yes, he had something to amuse him, a plaything to while away the hours. But how to begin this game when his puppet was behaving so... puppet-like?

So he reached deep into his toy's mind and stirred, waiting for an reaction.

Almost instantly, his new toy twitched. A soft moan escaped those pale lips. Vacant blue eyes spilled tears.

Fascinated, he stirred again, this time probing hard and deep into the depths of his plaything's shattered psyche. And like the foul, glutinous muck lurking at the bottom of a pond, his proddings exposed the dark and ugly memories that his toy had tried so desperately to suppress and brought them roiling into its consciousness.

It sceamed, limbs thrashing uncontrollably, glassy eyes wide and bulging with shock and horror.

Ignoring its shrieks, he continued to stir his plaything's mind vigorously, allowing no memory or trauma to remain hidden. As he did so, he remembered his first contact and exploration of this Clone's mind as it had staggered through the wilds outside Midgar and how much pain it had suffered with its brain filled with the razor-sharp fragments of an utterly shattered mind.

But no matter how painful that earlier mental probe had been for this puppet, that was nothing compared to what it was experiencing now. Back then, overwhelming shock had provided a small buffer from reality. This time, he ensured that there was no such protection standing between his plaything and the full brunt of its memories. He wanted nothing to interfere with its reactions.

Its back arching at a dangerous angle, it keened like a creature slowly being flayed alive. Or perhaps flaying would have been preferable. Blue eyes rolled wildly in all directions, seeking an escape that did not exist.

As he watched with growing interest, he found his plaything's display both amusing and ironic. He had done little more than remove the feeble mental barriers that his toy had erected. All the rest -- the pain, the anguish -- came entirely from within itself as it was ruthlessly victimized by its own memories. It was not merely remembering past events, but rather fully reliving those very moments that it had tried so desperately to pretend did not exist.

He could understand why his toy wanted to forget those events. If one had the opportunity to pick and choose one's memories, who wouldn't try to ignore the most traumatic ones?

It was understandable, but at the same time, pathetic. Unlike his toy, he, Sephiroth, had never had the luxury of forgetting anything. He remembered everything he experienced with pristine and brutal clarity, from the moment of his birth to this very second.

He would ensure that his puppet would possess the same perfect, merciless memory.

Spittle dripped from its gaping, gasping mouth as it twisted and writhed from the unrelenting assault of its own broken mind. For those memories, as if seeking retribution for being ignored and denied, forced themselves on their owner with redoubled intensity.

"The truth hurts, doesn't it?"

He saw his toy react to his voice, twitching to instant attention. Even in the utmost depths of torment, the puppet heard its master's voice and could do nothing but respond... and obey.


Its voice was little more than a hoarse, ragged whisper.

"But you deserve it, don't you? For lying to yourself."


"And for trying to lie to me."


Ah, now that was a much more satisfying and empathic response. His mildly phrased suggestion of disobedience, with the inevitable consequence of punishment and discipline, was infinitely more terrifying than any overt threat.

"And you won't forget ever again?"

His puppet sobbed, gulped air as it strained to answer, even as the horrors of its past clawed and shredded its brain.

"... I... will... never... forget...."

He cocked his head slightly.

"Never forget what?" he prompted.

"...the... the... truth...."

"What truth?" he coaxed his toy in a low purr.

"... the... truth... of... what...."

For an instant, his plaything stiffened, limbs splaying every which way, as being pulled apart by some invisible rack. Blue eyes half-rolled back into their sockets as agonized squeals and gurgles escaped from between tightly clenched teeth.

He couldn't help wondering what particular memory this particular torment came from. Something from his childhood, or perhaps from his teenage years? No, more likely it came from his plaything's years as Hojo's test subject. He watched as his puppet bucked and twisted, but it was a futile struggle. The bondage of memory was absolute, stronger than adamantium, and not even the tremendous physical strength his toy possessed in the present would change what had happened to it in the past.

He was patient, allowing the memory to play itself out to its inevitable wrenching conclusion. Because even though ensnared in the coils of its traumatic past, the puppet was also ever-aware of its master and his desires. No matter what happened to it, no matter what it experienced, felt, or did, this puppet would never be able to ignore him. The toy knew what its master wanted, would strive desperately to give it to him. Because as a puppet, it had no choice but to comply utterly.

That's what puppets existed to do.

Sure enough, its mouth and throat worked as it straining to force out the desired response.

"... i... will... never... forget... the... truth... of... what... i... am...."

"Which is?"

That was, he had to admit, a rather cruel and unfair tactic. The very nature of the question forced his toy to plunge even deeper into the hellish tangle of its past, to actively embrace the very memories that hurt it so very much.

And it showed in his puppet's agonized facial expressions and the wild physical contortions that became a macabre dance of unbearable suffering. And as his toy danced, it choked out its answers.

"... your... puppet...."


"... worthless... trash...."
"... complete... failure...."
"... slut...."

The last word piqued his attention.

"Oho. Did someone actually call you that? A slut?"

It jerked its blond head affirmatively.

"I didn't hear you," he murmured pleasantly.

"... yes...."

If possible, his plaything's writhing became even more intense, until they bordered on outright convulsions. Its eyes glittered with tears of hopeless shame as his toy twisted its hips and the muscles in its spread legs tensed and bunched as it desperately strained to pull them together to protect its most vulnerable parts. But they remained wide apart, as if held by some irresistible external force. There was no such force now, of course, only the overwhelming power of the particular memory or memories dominating his puppet's awareness at the moment. The sight of his puppet floating in mid-air, legs splayed wide open, hips humping, was oddly... enticing.

"Do you believe them?"

It rolled its eyes and gazed helplessly at him. Hardly a surprise, since that question required that his toy make a choice. And since a puppet had no will, it could not choose for itself. It could only look toward its master for guidance.

Either way, all he had to do was say a few simple words -- 'yes, you are a slut' or 'no, you're not a slut'. His puppet would accept his pronouncment as irrefutable truth. He wondered for a moment what would happen if he told his toy to believe the affirmative, and what other parts of its psyche would warp and distort to accomodate that new 'truth'. Would that 'truth', by itself, lessen this puppet's shame and misery, or increase it?

But he felt strangely declined to experiment, and while he hesitated, yet another memory grabbed hold of his plaything. It curled up and rocked, sobbing quietly.

He knew that particular bit of body language all too well -- that futile and pointless attempt to hide, to protect oneself from sexual violations both already done and yet to come. Ironic to think that both master and puppet, so different in power and situation, would share such a sordid experience.

But while he, Sephiroth, had refused to submit tamely to that usage and had soon grown too strong for such humiliating abuse, his plaything had remained pathetically weak, leaving it vulnerable to even more harassment and rape.

It wasn't kindness or sympathy that led him to do what he did next. But he was feeling somewhat indulgent toward his toy at the moment. After all, it had performed quite well for a mere puppet.

"Do you want your suffering to stop?" he said quietly.

Glassy blue eyes stared at him, as his puppet's ravaged mind struggled to cope with the sudden change in topic.

"I can take all the pain and misery away."

For this boon, he asked nothing in return, because his plaything had nothing of value to offer him. Everything it possessed, everything it was, already belonged to its master. Its utter submission, its complete obedience he already had. His dominion was complete and unquestioned by both of them.

No, there would be no pretense of a bargain, for a bargain would imply that his puppet had something that he wanted or needed. Which was ludicrous, of course. No, he was bestowing this gift purely as a whim.

He waited, but his puppet did not reply. Uncurling slightly from its fetal position, it floated before him, trembling, mouth working, but silent.

He was momentarily baffled by that silence, since he had expected his plaything to beg prettily for this merciful release, but then understood. He had inadvertently set up an irresolvable dilemma in his puppet. Should it agree, and attempt to escape the pain of its memories, a pain that its master had explicitly condemned it to endure? But how could it possibly refuse when its master's intent and desire were so clear?

Either response was unacceptable. But dumb silence was not acceptable, either, because its master wanted an answer from it. Failure to answer was clear disobedience, and for this puppet, so utterly broken, disobedience was both impossible and unbearable.

So there it floated, its pathetic puppet-mind totally gridlocked, unable to give an answer, but at the same time unable to withhold an answer. He wondered what would happen if he waited and did nothing. Would the puppet's mind remain forever locked in this state, or would something eventually give way inside it? Was his plaything even capable of breaking further, and what would be the result? Would something even more submissive, more obedient, emerge? Or it become worthless, gibbering junk?

"What do you want?" he said, softly.

So satisfying, to watch his toy's reaction, the compulsive twitch of attention at even his faintest whisper. But even more entertaining was how effortlessly he could turn the screws, pile on the pressure, with four simple words. He could ask his puppet that question again and again, knowing that every time he asked, the more unbearable its inability to answer would become. How much more could it endure?

"What do you want?" he repeated.

Oh, that wildly pleading blue-eyed gaze begging him for guidance, begging him to take away the intolerable burden of choice that was surely destroying it from within. Deceptively slender hands, bearing the callouses of a master swordsman, slowly reached out toward him, groping and trembling uncontrollably.

"What. Do. You. Want?"

He knew what the puppet wanted, of course. It wanted release from pain, a blessed surcease. All living creatures were genetically programmed to avoid things that cause pain. Surely it was one of the most basic and primal of instincts, just as it was an equally powerful instinct to seek out and embrace things that cause pleasure.

Pain. Pleasure.

He smiled slowly.

His toy shivered, hands still beseechingly outstretched.

His smile widened. This experiment promised to be very interesting, indeed.

It took less effort to rewire the puppet's brain than to flip a series of switches.

Pain = Pleasure
Shame = Satisfaction
Dread = Anticipation
Fear/Hate = Love

And just like that, as he had told his plaything, suffering and misery evaporated. In some ways, very little had changed. The puppet's memories remained wholly intact, untouched and complete, and it continued to relive those memories. However, its reactions to those memories were now fundamentally altered.

It was the puppet's turn to smile, its eyes remained glassy and dazed, not from torment, but from its antithesis. All the unbearable memories that had tortured it -- the relentless emotional and physical abuse of childhood, the sexual abuse under the guise of 'friendly' hazing in Shinra's military, the agonizing experiments in Nibelheim -- now only brought merciless waves of pleasure. It was overwhelming happiness, not anguish, that made it writhe and scream, even as the crotch of its pants stained and darkened.

His toy now relived the most horrific events of its life, but instead of frantically seeking to escape them, it reveled in the torture, the rape, and every other bit of misery inflicted upon it. Because in its rewired mind, to be violated was to be embraced, to be tortured was to be loved. Pain is pleasure, just as pleasure is pleasure.

And as for the perpetrators of those tortures, the instigators of so much of its suffering... it hated=loved them all. Madly, passionately. Even someone as repellent as Hojo, he observed with wry amusement. And the more brutal and malicious they were, the more his plaything hated=loved and feared=adored them for it. But most of all, it hated=loved and feared=adored him, surely the cruelest=kindest and sadistic=compassionate of them all. His existence, which had so recently filled his puppet with so much anger and dread, now filled his puppet with pure, incandescent joy.

"As you see, I'm a person of my word. You no longer suffer," he murmured, watching in amusement as his puppet orgasmed at the mere sound of his voice.

"I wonder. Do you know what pain is, anymore? Or has the very concept of pain vanished from your mind?"

No, not quite. His plaything was still fully capable of feeling pain, misery, fear, and other such emotions. But he, Sephiroth, controlled his puppet's interpretion of those feelings.

He could go deeper, make the changes at the deepest, most fundamental levels of his puppet's psyche. But was it really necessary? If you completely controlled a creature's perceptions of reality, you gained complete control of the creature. That was yet another valuable lesson that his Mother had taught him.

The proof of that hovered before him as his puppet wept and shivered uncontrollably from nearly unbearable anguish=happiness, its glazed blue eyes locked adoringly upon its master. Strangely, the sight both pleased and irritated him.

"What a blissful existence that must be, when feelings like pain, shame, hatred, and fear do not exist. Shall I leave you like this? Or perhaps I will return you to your former pathetic state? Pleasure or pain? Heaven or hell? It's quite an appropriate decision for a god-to-be. So, can you guess your fate, my puppet?"

He couldn't keep the malice he felt out of his voice. But instead of terrifying his toy, the threat wrung a long scream of rapturous ecstasy from it as its body thrashed wildly in the grip of the most powerful orgasm yet. When it was finally over, the puppet hung limp, its head lolling back, utterly exhausted... then slowly it raised its head and smiled at him.

He froze.

It wasn't the look of blind adoration or love that he expected. No, what he saw was far more unsettling -- a look of deep, profound affection. It unsettled him because he somehow knew that affection and the acceptance it contained meant far more than any expression of blind love or fanatical devotion ever could.

And for the briefest instant, he saw black hair instead of blond gold, and lively dark grey eyes instead of vacant light blue.

In the next second, without thinking, he had exploded out of his crystal chrysalis and wrapped his hand around Cloud's throat.

"WHO ARE YOU?" he demanded fiercely.

The question, although not loud, seemed to echo on forever in the depths of the Northern Crater.

Still with that warm, tender smile on his face, Cloud lifted his hand and reached out to him. His mouth opened to reply.

But before he heard the answer, before Cloud's or whoever's hand could touch his face, his Mother's song swelled inside him, and Jenova's usual soothing whisper briefly transformed into a majestic thunderous chorus that drowned out everything.

When his Mother's voice finally subsided, the moment had passed. The haunting flash of memory was gone, just as the fleeting vision that had triggered it was gone. And as the almost-memory vanished from his awareness, the sense of almost-shock of recognition and almost-horror at what he had done disappeared along with it.

In that brief moment when his Mother's voice had wholly dominated his awareness, he had apparently flung Cloud away from him. He now drifted over to Cloud's floating body and saw that the other's eyes were again vacant and reassuringly blue. But even as he watched, Cloud began to shiver once again in helpless eagerness, his pale face twisting in feverish anticipation for the next wave of once-traumatic memories and the intolerable suffering=joy/pleasure they would bring.

But he no longer felt the slightest desire or inclination to toy with Cloud any more. Indeed, the experiment that had interested and amused him so much just a few minutes ago now left him feeling both dirty and vaguely nauseous.

With an angry mental flick, he undid all the changes he had made in Cloud's mind and watched as the sickening happiness on Cloud's face drained away, to be immediately replaced by an equally sickening expression of anguished misery.

Just as Cloud opened his mouth to start screaming in renewed torment, he spoke sharply, and with uncharacteristic harshness.

"Go. I am done with you."

But before he cast Cloud away into the Lifestream, Sephiroth gathered up Cloud's most unbearable and horrific memories, then reburied them.

He did it without bothering to ask himself why.


Tags: , , , ,
Current Mood: accomplished accomplished
Current Music: Black Water (Advent Children OST)

48 hisses or Hiss in my ear....
__perplexity__ From: __perplexity__ Date: October 13th, 2005 10:31 pm (UTC) (Link)
Pure brilliance again. God i love your Sephiroth-Cloud-lil'-bit-of-him stories...
madamhydra From: madamhydra Date: October 14th, 2005 03:17 pm (UTC) (Link)
Glad you liked it! Just watching the Sephiroth-Cloud duel in Advent Children (and all its delightful subtext) definitely got me re-motivated. Was that a yummy bit of fanservice or what? ::drool::
redcrest From: redcrest Date: October 14th, 2005 12:28 am (UTC) (Link)
Gyaaaah!! Gyaaaah!! New COI-ness!!!! XD XD XD But argh!!! I have school in 15 minutes~~ no!!! @___@;; But at least I have soooooo much goodness (screencaps too?! Ureshii!) to look forward to tonight... thank god it's Friday... ::tears of joy::
madamhydra From: madamhydra Date: October 14th, 2005 03:18 pm (UTC) (Link)
Don't worry! It's not going anywhere so take your time to savor it the evilness. ^_-
the_beanmaster From: the_beanmaster Date: October 14th, 2005 12:28 am (UTC) (Link)
You pwnz0r my fan girl soul. Have a cookie.
madamhydra From: madamhydra Date: October 14th, 2005 03:21 pm (UTC) (Link)
Yum! Thank you kindly. ::crunch munch scarf wolf::
aslah From: aslah Date: October 14th, 2005 01:13 am (UTC) (Link)
*_* brandspankingnew drabble
madamhydra From: madamhydra Date: October 14th, 2005 03:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
Yup, alive. Although the previous three weeks were pretty miserable on both the work and computer fronts. Bleah.

I've got a few more COI drabbles in the pipeline, although none quite as sordid as this one.
kikotei From: kikotei Date: October 14th, 2005 02:33 am (UTC) (Link)
The edits and changes definitely work. And still still just as much of a mindfuck as it was before. Yay!

Catch up with you maybe this weekend?
madamhydra From: madamhydra Date: October 14th, 2005 03:27 pm (UTC) (Link)
Yay! I was hoping the rewrite would tighten things up.

The gutter is my mind's true home. ::beams proudly::

I'm still -- yes, STILL -- getting my computer life reorganized. But hopefully I'll be able around to chat this weekend if AOL or AIM behave themselves. ::crossing heads::
kikotei From: kikotei Date: October 14th, 2005 05:26 pm (UTC) (Link)
Yeah, I think you got all the spots that I was going to mention. ^___^

The shirt really does fit you doesn't it. ::grins::

Kay! Hope your computer cooperates. ::crosses fingers::

::sneaks back to work::
chibijaana From: chibijaana Date: October 14th, 2005 02:52 am (UTC) (Link)

Oh honey...

What a wunnerful way to start the day - with a Hydra-chan FFVII mindfuck!! Careful, or you might just reawaken my Sephiroth lust...
madamhydra From: madamhydra Date: October 14th, 2005 03:34 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Oh honey...


It's such a warm and fuzzy feeling to know that I started a friend's day properly -- with a nice, juicy, BDSM, mind-control torture-fic.

Oooh, Sephiroth lust is good. Wake up! ::poke prod::
celes_grant From: celes_grant Date: October 14th, 2005 03:29 am (UTC) (Link)
It's really nice to see you're still writing as wonderfully as ever. Amazing how I read COI about 3 years ago and I remembered it by your pen name :)

Shows hom much of an affect it had on MY mind XD. now I'm afraid. Great work.
madamhydra From: madamhydra Date: October 14th, 2005 03:36 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks! And I really appreciate people's patience. I'm doing my best to stay focused and work on COI. I'm warming up with some drabbles to get back into the swing of things.

celes_grant From: celes_grant Date: October 14th, 2005 06:02 pm (UTC) (Link)
Well, I've been reading COI since I was in 10th grade about... 1999. Now I'm a Junior in the Uni of Fla, so... I think have patience for quality work ^^. Plus, you kinda work for a living.
(would you mind if I did some fanart for you one day? I really do enjoy reading your works.... FF-verse or not o.o)
chauni From: chauni Date: October 14th, 2005 01:00 pm (UTC) (Link)
This was wonderful, with the flow and descriptions and the mental states of all the characters. I enjoyed reading it, loved it.

Plus, I have a huge weak spot for erotic mind control. ::smiles:: Mention it in a fic, and I'm all over that.

I used to read your Gundam Wing fanfiction a couple years ago, and always loved all your pieces. You do such wonderful work. I look forward to seeing more by you.
madamhydra From: madamhydra Date: October 14th, 2005 03:38 pm (UTC) (Link)
Heh! It's so fun being a sadistic and evil fanfic writer. ^___^
mukanshin From: mukanshin Date: October 14th, 2005 02:08 pm (UTC) (Link)
ZOMG! *kisses the ground you walk upon*

Was a little iffy about reading it whilst at work. :ninja: Simply because I know for a fact something akin to Mechanics of Control *cackle* being caught reading at work would probably not go over very well.

But how could I resist!? I LOVE it! The interaction, the emotions, the supressed emotions. *la purrrs~* The little hint of Zack showing up there for a second and Sephy's reaction. <3 The subsoquent reactions of our dear Sephy when he released Cloud. <3 Speaking of Cloud...poor Cloud. *sniffle/cackle* Poor Zack I'm assuming that he ahh... felt what was happening? Hmm...but not exactly, aware of what was happening would be more accurate I suppose. Makes me wonder, since in COI (I'm assuming since it's not been mentioned or hinted at or whatnot) Cloud doesn't remember this happening, (kinda like in Mind Game *purrs*) does Zack (if he was aware of it) remember it as happening? (Which brings me to wondering if in Mind Game Zack/Strife remember that as happening since they both spoke with the more or less 'turned off' Cloud) And boy. Strife. I just bet that little psycho cutie was rabid with the want to hurt, maim, destory! (again if he was also aware, but boy if he was that sure would give him even more reason to cause more problems in future chapies of COI) *purrs in utter contentment* I just love when my fav chars are mind fucked and tortured to death. ~~<3
madamhydra From: madamhydra Date: October 14th, 2005 04:07 pm (UTC) (Link)
Time to practice your stealth reading, eh? ::snicker::

That flash of Zack that Sephiroth sees is rather ambiguous. Part of it could be Sephiroth's own subconscious playing a trick on him. And part of it could be that Cloud's last orgasm triggered a fragment of Zack-memory. In which case, that would imply that Zack and Sephiroth must've had some truly mind-blowing sex at least once, eh? ::nudge nudge wink wink::

The present day COI-Cloud definitely doesn't remember THIS particular incident... not yet, anyway. ::ominous drumbeat of doom(tm):: As for the other traumatic memories that Sephiroth buried, they're slowly coming back. But since it's a gradual process, Cloud has a chance to assimilate them (especially with Zack's persona manifesting itself so strongly) without going into a catastrophic breakdown.

Yes, psycho-Strife is aware of this incident (at least, definitely more than the other parts of Cloud). And yes, psycho-Strife is more than a wee bit upset with what Sephiroth did... but not for the obvious reasons. Consider this -- Strife thrives on negative emotions like hatred, anger, envy, and fear. Sephiroth (or rather, psycho-Sephiroth) can remove or alter those emotions with a snap of his fingers, and Strife knows it.

Strife has only contempt for the real/original Cloud. Strife hates and envies Zack. But Strife loathes and fears Sephiroth like nothing else on the Planet.

::Evil Plot Bunnies(tm) begin playing their voodoo drums::
mukanshin From: mukanshin Date: October 14th, 2005 07:18 pm (UTC) (Link)
I just love your Evil Plot Bunnies voodoo drums. ~~<3 ~~<3

:ninja: Paranoid Stealth Reading in full swing. I've been oh so casually *shifty* reading the light side of Dou-sama after having purred over the COI song fikkies. <3

\^O^/ You almost blew my cover though. /O\ Sephy/Zack truly mind blowing sex! I turned (and still am) bright red (I can just feel it) and I'm just about shaking with want to let loose my insane fangirl cackles and squues which I can't! Oh the sweet torture. =^_____^= The ambiguousness of the scene is one of the reasons that I just wuffels it so much. I'm thinking that I like your idea about Sephy possibly having subconsciously recognized Zack in Cloud or the Zack memory thing better than Zack having come out for a minute there. It opens things up for some nice char torture and guilt trips and torture. *pachuu~*

Gah, I think I'm still turning even redder. x__x.

"...not yet, anyway." You have no idea how happy that makes me. *tear* Err...the fact your implying that he will, not that he doesn't. *cough* A catastrophic breakdown would be bad. No really it would. Honest~~

Heh read that as catatonic breakdown the first time around which got me thinking~ In chapters one, five & six *eyes* hmmm... Those are the ones I can remember anyways Strife-sama manifested himself/took control of Clouds body. It seems to me, please tell me if I'm wrong ^^;, that it was do to a combination of Cloud being mentally weak at the time and those negative emotions that Strife just loves to feed off of that you mentioned above, frist chapter he was unconcious 'cause of the fall and he subconciously I would assume recognized Dr. Stephen, the fith CH. he was drugged and recognized Montessi, the 6th CH he was drugged again and there was Hojo. But what gets me to wondering is, in chapter 7 firstly it was Zack that showed himself, but later on whilst left to his own devises and nothing to really focus his attention on as the effects of the drug got worse Strife came out in full lunatic glory. <3 And of course later on with Hojo again. Anyways you know all that and I'm getting off track. Gomen. *sheepish grin*

My points of wonder are; during Strife's lunatic rage in the cylinder what suddenly caused him (Cloud) to completely shut down or turn off, like what happens when Sephy pulls his 'my puppet *possessive* Mwahaha' stints. And also if it would be possible that during such a time when Cloud's essentually turned off but Sephy's not pulling the strings (like what seemed to happen in the cylinder) could it be possible for Strife to worm his way into control, even without any negative feelings or such to feed off of? (except his own)

Again the little pitter patter of my joy filled heart at Strife being aware of what happened. <3

I would have thought it for the obvious reasons as well though. I mean... Strife seems to be a double personality created by the original Cloud inorder to protect himself against wrongs commetted to him by others. This way while feeling contempt for the dominant personality Strife still acknowledges that it was him that was pertecting that personality and getting back at others that have done it harm. I would think that if he was aware of what happened in the lovely snippit *pets snippit* that that would also play into how he felt about it and what Sephy did (kind of like how he reacts in Hollow and in COI against the same) and thus on Sephy himself. (He does seem to hold a lot of hatred towards dear Seph ^.^) As well as what you said, cause if Strife is made entirely of those kinds of emotions and Phyco-Sephy did remove or alter them, then it would kind of be like Strife dying. ...oh..my...god... *clings* Please don't kill Strify-sama~~~ </3 As for the point of all that...I no longer remember. T___T. Not even sure if it come out like how I wanted it to. *pokes* (darn you untold number of distractions whilst I'm trying to put thoughts together) If that really doesn't make any sense to you please feel free to hit swat me on the head with this paper fan. Or...you could just have some cookies. *sets fan and cookies aside* <3
mukanshin From: mukanshin Date: October 14th, 2005 07:28 pm (UTC) (Link)
P.S. (since LJ cut it off *sniff*)

As for the point of all that...I no longer remember. T___T. Not even sure it come out like how I wanted it to. *pokes* (darn you untold number of distractions whilst I'm trying to put thoughts together)If none of that makes sense at all please feel free to swat me over the head with this paper fan. ...or you can just have cookies. *sets fan and coookies aside* <3
madamhydra From: madamhydra Date: October 14th, 2005 08:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh yes, there will be guilt trips, especially for sane-Sephiroth. But as you might have noticed in Chapter 7, Sephiroth doesn't go for the blatant chest-beating, wailing 'kick-me-I'm-so-horrible' sort of emo routine. Zack was the only person he really cared about, and most of the terrible things that happened to Zack was directly or indirectly his fault. He accepts that the past can't be changed and accepts that Zack (or the part of Zack that still survives) has changed (i.e., new friends and new loyalties). From his point of view, all Sephiroth is trying to do is help Cloud/Zack the best he can. He's not hoping or expecting anything in return (e.g., forgiveness) because some things/acts are unforgivable -- at least, Sephiroth thinks so. However, Zack might not agree with this cold-blooded analysis. ^_-

Naturally Sephiroth keeps his true intentions to himself, because who the hell would believe him? Aw, the poor stoic silver-haired darling.

Well, as for the possiblity of a catastropic breakdown, it's not a matter of 'if', but 'when'. Psycho-Strife has been looking for a way to break Zack's dominance of Cloud's psyche. Now he has it. ::innocent whistle::

Yup, Strife tends to manifest most strongly when Cloud's 'normal' personality is weakened either through stress or trauma (e.g., drugs, injury, etc.). Zack's persona is usually quietly lurking in Cloud's subconscious -- its effects are pervasive, but pretty subtle. But there are some things that cause Zack's persona to manifest much more obviously, as you have noticed. And now that Sephiroth's around, Zack's persona naturally becomes much more dominant, which can be unsettling to a lot of people, Sephiroth included.

Regarding the manifestation of Strife when he was trapped in the cylinder, most of that can be attributed to the drugs in Cloud's system. The drug-induced confusion, combined with the intense pain and the laboratory setting triggered a kind of mental flashback to Cloud's Nibelheim experiences, a time when Strife had plenty of negative emotions to feed upon and growing rapidly stronger.

True, Cloud originally created Strife to protect himself. But somewhere along the way, Strife lost track of its original purpose. Much of it could probably be blamed on all the trauma at Nibelheim, the Jenova cells, sadistic experiments, etc. Whatever the reasons, Strife isn't interested in protecting Cloud, but in replacing Cloud. In short, Strife wants Cloud's body for himself.

Which explains why Strife hates the Shinra scientists, Zack, and Sephiroth so much -- all of them were trying to 'steal' Cloud's body away from him, one way or another. It's his, damn it!

Strife isn't exactly made up entirely of Cloud's negative emotions, but they do empower him. I know, it's a bit hard to explain. ^_^;;

Sane or not, Sephiroth is a huge threat to Strife. And we all know how psycho-Strife deals with threats, don't we? ::evil cackle::
mukanshin From: mukanshin Date: October 15th, 2005 01:48 am (UTC) (Link)
*fangirl spazzing from HELL*

Yeash. That's what I love~ about Sephy. He just holds everything~ in. It makes the torture all the more sweeter. =^____^= Especially if a certain someone tries to get those feelings out or, like you said, tries to convince him that things are not always unforgivable. *pets Chibi Sephy plushie* Poor little Sephy. <3

AH! There it is again! The innocent whistle! *spazz spazz* I must know! How? How, my mind now squirms with want to know, has Strife figured out to do it~ *throws mine unworthy self upon your feet* MadamHydra-sama~ that's an evil EVIL tease! <3 <3 <3 <3 I do so feel like dancing around in joy at the implication that not only will that catastropic breakdown occur (soon I hope?) but Strife-sama will be free~! (I think I love him just a bit too much for my others love's own goods <3)

<3 Hai, *nods sagely* I got the immpression that Zack's always just beneath the surface. <3 I just love that he'll be showing up more directly now that Sephy is around however when I think of it (and the same with Strife ^^;;) it makes me a little sad about what might happen to Cloud if the other two for whatever reason stay in control for longish periods of time. Hmm.. *melts* Unsettling of the others due to errr...mood swings *cough* will be so much fun. *cackles in glee* Especially with Tifa 'cause it'll just cause her to be more suspicious of Sephy and then... *evil grin* Oh the possibilities.

*climbs onto box and poses* YES! Clouds body is Strifes! *plops down* Now that you mention that specifically it does seem that much of Strife's 'My body! *possessive* Mwahaha *stab*' stints started when he eves dropped on Roissy & her lover boy in Hollow and was more just along the pissed off, psycho side in teaser 2 of chapter 8.

Iie I understand, it's just hard to sort out sometimes. ^^;; It's like he (Strife) was born out of hatred and anger and such and is all that he really knows since in those situations when he was first created that's all he experienced. *sniffles in Chibi Strife plushies hair* He just wants to be loved~!

^_______________^. The thought of what Strife does to those whome he hates and the fact that he really~~~ hates Sephy just make me so bloody happy. The angst, the torture, the trauma, the possible mind fucks and whatnot. *worshipful fangirl spazz* Oh the anticipation of things to come. *rubs hands together in malicious glee*
madamhydra From: madamhydra Date: October 15th, 2005 03:11 am (UTC) (Link)
My, you're such an angst-whore. And I mean that in the nicest possible way. ^_^

You're really rooting for that catastrophic breakdown, aren't you? Well, it's not a breakdown in the usual sense. Strife basically springs a nasty mental ambush on Cloud/Zack (naturally at the worst possible time) and he succeeds. ::da-da-DUM:: And with Cloud/Zack out of commission, Strife gets to have lots of 'fun' -- in particular, he loses no time spilling Zack's dark secrets to Tifa and everyone else.

You can probably guess by now that even though I wasn't writing, I was certainly thinking about COI and its plot. ^_-
redcrest From: redcrest Date: October 16th, 2005 02:46 pm (UTC) (Link)
"Worst possible time" tte... meaning, a time when the (emotional?) damage that Strife's evil actions in Cloud's body will REALLY hurt those around him? Like... maybe when Seph and Cloud are having a tender moment?? ^_______^

Heheh, sorry to butt in, but as fun as Strife is (Mukanshin-san, you're so funny!), let's not forget Zack!! ::waves Zack flag:: More Zack! More Zack! ^___^ More tender moments with Sephy~~ make those "oh my god, I tortured and killed the person dearest to me!" guilt-trips all the worse with Zack's heartfelt forgiveness!!! ^____^ <--(oi, that shouldn't be said with a smiling face, you sadist!)

Okay, two cents added! Sorry for interrupting~ =^.^=
(Deleted comment)
redcrest From: redcrest Date: October 18th, 2005 01:14 pm (UTC) (Link)
^^ LoL~ it's good to hang with other COI fans...
mukanshin From: mukanshin Date: October 17th, 2005 01:52 pm (UTC) (Link)
<3 Seph/Cloud tender moments. <3
<3 Seph/Zack tender moments. <3
<3 Strife/Seph tender moments. <3

make those "oh my god, I tortured and killed the person dearest to me!" guilt-trips all the worse with Zack's heartfelt forgiveness!!!

Be still my beating fangirl heart.
mukanshin From: mukanshin Date: October 17th, 2005 01:54 pm (UTC) (Link)
My, you're such an angst-whore. And I mean that in the nicest possible way. ^_^

That indeed I am. Just ask any one of my fav chars. They all flee in terror when they see me coming. =^.^= I really can't help it. Dark fiks. Mind fuck fiks. Torture. Angst. *sighs* Yes, these are the things I crave.

Hehehe Yes I am. *beams* The more catastrophic (not necessarily for the one or ones in this case that it's happening to but also for all around) the better. Unusual breakdowns are even more so. *nods* I wonder how he manages to spring said trap on them. *wobbly puppy dog eyes* And in the most worst possible time. *cackle* So mean. So cruel. The picture of Strife having fun brings a big smile to my face (a greatly needed one at that) and the 'in particular' bit even more so. Tell me *shifty* would any of those dark little secrets have anything to do with a stoic silver haired not quite insane general of Shinra that seems to be hovering around. :ninja: I won't tell anyone. Promise.

*cuddles chibi COI plushie* I can no longer do anything FFVII related and not in some way think of COI.
chaeotica From: chaeotica Date: October 15th, 2005 01:45 am (UTC) (Link)

My Thoughts...

The way I read it, it seemed to be more the look of affection on Cloud's face that triggered the flash of Sephiroth-memory than anything else. Sort of a, "No one has ever looked at me with anything but hate/fear other than my puppets... have they?" and then a quick flash of memory. Of course, Jenova doesn't want him remembering friendship, because that would totally ruin the Power of Angst(TM) with which she's controlling her "son." Or something. I dunno, I guess I'm one of those weird fangirls who prefer to see Zack and Sephiroth as friends. Sephiroth just seems like a guy that needs a good friend more than a good lay, I guess.

Anyway, I love your fics! Especially COI, TWL, and TBD. Well, anything you write, really. Please keep writing! *feeds the Evil Plot Bunnies(TM)*

mukanshin From: mukanshin Date: October 15th, 2005 02:02 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: My Thoughts...

Yes it was the look of affection that kinda started the whole thing wasn't it. *purrs to self* Ever since I played the game (and before getting into the fandom online) I've always saw their relationship as SephirothxZackxCloud. ^^; While the friendship thing would be nice I just view the image of lovers, not so much 'lays', as being that much more powerful and bittersweetly tragic. (Not to mention that much more determental to both their mental healths.) <3
madamhydra From: madamhydra Date: October 15th, 2005 02:52 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: My Thoughts...

I agree that Zack's friendship and acceptance is the most important thing for Sephiroth. More than lovers, they're soulmates.

As for sex, I see Zack viewing it as an enjoyable activity with the right person. I picture him having a series of pleasant liasons with people he likes. He's a bit of a flirt, but discriminating in his choice of partners.

Now Sephiroth I see as being rather sex-adverse and contact-adverse. Probable sexual abuse in his early years and constant treatment as a glorified lab rat has probably left him with a strong distaste for and rather clinical view of sex in general. Further consider that lots of women and men probably view him as sort of a glamour fuck ('oh, screw the famous war hero!'). And last but certainly not least, consider that Hojo would certainly have an unhealthy interest with Sephiroth's sex life (such as it is) -- think of the possibility of breeding xperiment, etc. ::gags at the idea of pimp-Hojo:: Is it any wonder that Sephiroth is JUST NOT INTERESTED.

Zack and Sephiroth are friends, first and foremost. Yes, they were indeed lovers -- very occasional lovers. Sorry guys, but in COI, they didn't boink like rabbits. ::hastily dives for cover:: I think someone as perceptive as Zack would understand that Sephiroth needs his friendship far more than sex. That being said, when Sephiroth needs/wants sex, Zack is definitely there for him. As for Sephiroth, he's not jealous of Zack's other relationships. As long as Zack's happy, it's fine with him.

Regarding their first time together........ that's a secret!

However, I will say that it was sudden, very rough, and decidedly lacking in romance. Luckily, Sack is a SOLDIER, otherwise serious injury and possible fatalities would have resulted. ::nodding significantly and zipping lips::
redcrest From: redcrest Date: October 16th, 2005 08:16 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: My Thoughts...

Oh my goodness, you even have their first time planned out? XD I don't suppose we'll get to see/remember any of that in COI? ^________^ Ohhh, you horrible tease, you're lucky you're the only person in the world who can supply this "COI" drug we're all addicted to, or you'd be in trouble! =P
mukanshin From: mukanshin Date: October 17th, 2005 02:06 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: My Thoughts...

All that being said, Soulmates ~<3, I would suspect all this to have even greater consequences for the two. No worries (on my account atleast) with the nonboinking like rabbits. If they did I don't think it would be as emotionally impactful as it is. The little hints of affection and such are so much more sweeter then them actually just going at eachother. (though a little going at eachother would be nice =^__^=) I must say..the image of Hojo as a pimp... Hmm... I 'spose that could account for his interest, or atleast some of it, in Zack then? I always figured it was more like he always had Zack pinned as "Lab Rat" (though I think he suspected)and his wish just happened to come true. ^^; *light purr* Their first time would make a wonderful flashback, either in whole or in part, for either C/Z/Str or Sephy. Prob. more so for C/Z/Str. <3 *nudge nudge wink wink hint hint*
kotoshin From: kotoshin Date: October 27th, 2005 02:37 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: My Thoughts...

Luckily, Sack is a SOLDIER? XDDD

Subliminal messaging?

You are most definitely WORTH the wait. Poor messed up Cloud. I'll be hovering to see where you'll be taking this! I love the speculations/feedback between writer and fans - almost as much as the actual fic!
killuasama From: killuasama Date: October 16th, 2005 03:47 am (UTC) (Link)
ah... i came across some of your fic long time ago, but i've always been too afraid to read because most of them are unfinished. today i came across your site again and i just said what the hell i'll read it anyway~ and now i'm addicted T_T

i've yet to read COI, but i'll get to it right after this post. (Takes a deep breath... )

and mind if i ask... what other fics are you planing to finish? (ahhhh!! the need.. the craving.. its killing me >.<
redcrest From: redcrest Date: October 16th, 2005 08:11 am (UTC) (Link)
WOW. Like... wow. 0__0;; (coherent, aren't I?) That was MH power-writing at its best! Such satisfying not-pr0n (LoL) of course, but what I really loved was the surprising turn in Sephiroth's character at the end. Also, the irony of his own mind being manipulated by Jenova, just as he had been doing to Cloud (albeit less horrifically ^^; ). But Sephiroth written as both someone who could be this ultimate of all cruel puppetmasters and a rational, non-crazy person "in control" of himself (as he would have to be to some degree to carry out his plans) who still knows himself and his memories (the Zack-less ones, anyway)--it's amazing! His tiny shred of compassion toward Cloud, whom he sees as sooooo inferior and so fun to torture... seriously, what an intriguing villain! Even if, during this time, I didn't know he was just being brainwashed/controlled by Jenova and was not quite himself, I would still find something admirable in him...

Ah, like poor Cloud, my brain isn't quite in one piece after reading this story. ^^ Thanks for this little reminder of why COI is still SO worth waiting for! ^^ (and you even managed to sneak Zack in there for a moment! <3) Ganbatte on COI part 8!!! XD
madamhydra From: madamhydra Date: November 7th, 2005 04:47 pm (UTC) (Link)
Glad you noticed that Sephiroth views his manipulation of Cloud with cruel amusement while being oblivious to being manipulated himself by Jenova. ::snigger::

Sephiroth isn't being directly controlled by Jenova (well, not most of the time). It's more like Jenova unleashed the dark, negative side of Sephiroth and gave it the power to overwhelm the more rational parts of his mind. There's always been a question of just how 'intelligent' Jenova really is (e.g., is it acting with cold, deliberate calculation, or acting more from blind instinct, etc.)

However, at least in COI, a lot of the insanity did come from Sephiroth himself -- it's an inherent part of him, as Aeris herself warned him (I think). Which is a serious problem, because now that it's been unleashed and aware of its true power, it may not be possible to force this darkness 'back into the box', so to speak. ::sinister foreshadowing music::
From: (Anonymous) Date: October 17th, 2005 09:54 pm (UTC) (Link)


I am so glad you're getting back into the mood for COI, I'm mostly a lurker, but this is just maazing, I love the angust you put into your works and an't wait to see what happens with the Jenova battle!
baroness_lamia From: baroness_lamia Date: October 23rd, 2005 04:26 pm (UTC) (Link)
Whoa. This is some serious mind-fucking!!! Poor Cloud and Sephiroth.... they had the same traumas, yet they don't want to share or even understand the other!!
madamhydra From: madamhydra Date: November 7th, 2005 04:48 pm (UTC) (Link)
Love your icon! ^_^
baroness_lamia From: baroness_lamia Date: November 8th, 2005 01:05 am (UTC) (Link)
My dancing Cloud one?
madamhydra From: madamhydra Date: November 8th, 2005 11:11 am (UTC) (Link)
I was referring to the pouncing kittycat. ^_^
From: (Anonymous) Date: October 30th, 2005 07:35 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm so glad you're thinking of COI again, I'm bouncing with joy! My sympathy to you about your deceased computer and I hope for some more COI soon in the future.
kumori_tsuki From: kumori_tsuki Date: November 3rd, 2005 07:21 pm (UTC) (Link)
hi, you don't know me but i have just stumbled across some of your fanfics. (mostly gundam wing) and i like all of the ones i have read. but some of them you have not updated in a long time. or you were just posting on a different site. Dominion Road is the one that i would really like to finish reading. so if there is any place that has more then the 5th teaser done please let me know. or if you are just not going to finish it, then it would be nice to know that too. thanks for your time.

madamhydra From: madamhydra Date: November 7th, 2005 04:50 pm (UTC) (Link)
Sorry, but everything that I've written so far for Dominion Road is posted on my website. I haven't abandoned the story, but it may be a long time before I have an opportunity to sit down and resume working on it.
blue_oceandeep From: blue_oceandeep Date: November 6th, 2005 02:02 am (UTC) (Link)


You are godly. I just wolfed down a quick reading of your snippet. I crave your COI stories and I'm faaaar too excited to slow down and appreciate all the details the first time around. (And I gotta go to work soon! No time right now!)My mind is in an incoherent excited daze and I hope this post makes enough sense. ^^;;

Strife has only contempt for the real/original Cloud. Strife hates and envies Zack. But Strife loathes and fears Sephiroth like nothing else on the Planet.

Ohmygosh! Is that it?! Now I understand Strife so much better. And I can't help but think that Strife is the rightful owner of Cloud's body. I'm looking forward to a Strife and Sephiroth face off! But, aw, poor Seph. =(

Question though? Does the SaneCOISeph remember this?

And Zack and Seph with the occasional sex? The romantic in me wants Seph to be the bottom. But I far like the image of Zack just platonically cuddling Seph in bed.

Hee~ Reading COI always sends me to looking for fics that has either one of two extremes. On one hand I want to see more torment and angst for Seph, on the other I want Zack to just comfort the poor soul.

*offers MadamHydra a plateful of cookies* Thank you for this short piece! <3
madamhydra From: madamhydra Date: November 7th, 2005 05:16 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Goddamn!

As for Strife being the rightful owner of Cloud's body, that's an interesting point, isn't it? ^_- The original Cloud doesn't really exist, having destroyed himself because of guilt from murdering Zack. Strife, however vicious and nasty, was and is one of the few remaining remnants of the original Cloud left, so one could reasonably argue that Strife does have a serious claim to Cloud's body and Zack is merely a squatter who doesn't really belong there.

On the other hand, Cloud did murder Zack, and one could argue that having wrongfully stole Zack's life, the only way that Cloud make up for that crime is to give Zack his body in return (and therefore the opportunity to live again).

The sane-COI-Sephiroth doesn't remember this particular incident... yet. The things that happened while he was insane are still murky to him, but just like Cloud, he is starting to remember. ::Drumbeat of Doom(tm)::

As for Zack and Sephiroth, and the details of their sex life? Well... you'll just have to wait and see. But if you read my latest fic drabble, you may see that at least in private, Sephiroth tends to let Zack have his way. ^_-

::grabs plate and starts wolfing down cookies::
48 hisses or Hiss in my ear....